"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein
"A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new."
— Albert Einstein
"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."
— Mae West
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
— Steve Martin
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
— Douglas Adams
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."
— Mark Twain
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse."
— Thomas Stephen Szasz
"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."
— Mae West
"I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability."
— Oscar Wilde
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
— Robert A. Heinlein
"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."
— Terry Pratchett
"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."
— Woody Allen
"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. "
— W.C. Fields
"My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best."
— Winston S. Churchill
"You know what the fellow said – in Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace – and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."
— Orson Welles
"Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results."
— Albert Einstein
"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one."
— Bill Gates
IN MOJ ABSOLUTNO FAVOURITE: WODDY ALLEN
"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."
— Woody Allen
"To you, I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the loyal opposition."
— Woody Allen
"In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!"
— Woody Allen
"Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right."
— Woody Allen
"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."
— Woody Allen
"If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."
— Woody Allen
"If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up."
— Woody Allen (Annie Hall)
"Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem."
— Woody Allen
"There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more."
— Woody Allen
"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."
— Woody Allen
"I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member."
— Woody Allen
"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good."
— Woody Allen
"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."
— Woody Allen
"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank."
— Woody Allen
"Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, teach gym."
— Woody Allen
"Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love."
— Woody Allen
"It's better to be rich than poor if only for financial reasons."
— Woody Allen
"Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it."
— Woody Allen
"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"
— Woody Allen
"And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room."
— Woody Allen
"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."
— Woody Allen
"Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things."
— Woody Allen
"...he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something"
— Woody Allen
"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once."
— Woody Allen
"Life is short. Short, and not about anything except what you can touch and what touches you."
— Woody Allen
"I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm."
— Woody Allen
"Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses."
— Woody Allen
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